


Why Not Me?

by abiotic_butterfly



Series: A Depressing Side [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Character Death, Demons, F/M, First Person, Heaven’s rules, Humans, Love Confessions, M/M, Onesided Love, Sadness, Talk of Suicide, giving in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 18:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15515640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abiotic_butterfly/pseuds/abiotic_butterfly
Summary: Meg reflects back on loving Castiel.





	Why Not Me?

I don’t get it.

Why does my heart get all gooey when you look at me? Breathing isn’t even necessary for me and yet I can’t get my lungs to work.

I find myself wanting to smile, I’m not supposed to want to smile. It’s against everything that I’ve ever been taught. What I’ve grown up in. Don’t show weakness, don’t show happiness, don’t fall in love. 

It’s not apart of the conduct of being a demon. 

That’s the whole point. I don’t have a soul. There’s nothing there to feel anything. I’m not supposed to feel anything. 

I hate that when you kissed me it was everything.

I’ve flirted with almost everyone I know. Hating them is a whole part of the flirting. That’s how it’s always worked. I despise them and they despise me. That’s how love is...

Guess I was wrong.

I know you’re not completely innocent. Whatever happened between you and the pizza man must have been fucking hot. But you’ll always be better than me. More pure in every aspect.

Because I’ll always be a demon and you’ll always be an angel. 

And we’ll never be together. Never truly together.

Happy endings are for meatbags. Stupid humans and their idiotic human emotions. 

When a demon fucks someone it means nothing. Just a few minutes of pleasure. When an angel sins and gives into the damnation of fucking it’s the same deal. No emotions. It’s not supposed to be emotional! It’s not supposed to be this way! I’m supposed to not want you! 

I should be repulsed by the glint of your grace. And you should hate the darkness you see when you look at me. 

But it’s not that way is it?

Because I don’t feel that way. I want to look. To see what humans can’t, what he can’t. I want to look at that side of you. 

So why can’t I? Why can’t I bring myself to be with you? Why was I a demon and you an angel? Why did you fall for a human? 

Someone who can’t even love himself. You think he can love you? He can’t! 

I could... I do...

But that’s the thing. I’m so hopelessly in love that I’ll give anything for it. Even my life. 

I hate that I feel like a human. I hate that you’re turning into a human too. I hate you’re turning into one of them because of him. 

I wanted to be more with you. Heaven doesn’t even care! Isn’t that strange? There has never been a warning against an angel and demon falling in love. Just God’s creations. Maybe it’s because an angel and demon could never love each other. 

But I love an angel. 

Even if the angel doesn’t love me back. 

I can’t even tell my up from down anymore. I don’t even think I’m living inside this dead skin anymore. 

I enjoyed our time together, it’s the only good memories I have. Maybe a few with those asshat brothers. But nothing compared to you. 

Never you. 

Don’t forget me Clarence. Don’t forget the memory of Meg Masters. As useless as the memory is. 

Tell the idiot you love him. Tell him before it’s too late. Don’t do what I did Cas. He’s a moron, he’ll never get the signs. 

So don’t wait. Live every god damn moment you have left with him. We could have had eternity together. But you gotta remember you fell for a human. They die. 

Who am I kidding. The great Dean Winchester will never die. You’ll never let him. Sam will never. God himself will never! 

So from one broken heart to one with still full of hope. Don’t push your luck. You gotta stop killing yourself for humanity Cas. Don’t kill yourself for mankind. 

Good luck Unicorn.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have anymore sad suggestions you can leave any ideas in the comments. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
